Plea to Hospice…

i’m up in high desert, and i’m very ill at times with Hep C mainly along with a ton of other problems I also suffer from.
few yrs back i’d contacted local Hospice reguarding this, well i wasn’t bed-ridden full time and after physicals I was directed to IHSS here.
Well i’ve tried it past few years and its just not working out for what i need. Seems I can’t be i’ll only on scheduled days. dont work that way.

there has been no quality of life here changing for the better only for the worse, so now in a bind. stranded, left alone to decide what needs to be done.
i’m not gettin i’ll a lot more as the attacks increase along with all the other problems. Have been reading about the VDD and would like more to talk to someone.
I’m all alone, no kids, no family, nobody else around, many have passed, few left and now i’m in a spot. Being so stranded I will starve to death at this point.

Ive been preparing for the end for years and everytime something came along, well not happening this time. I will NOT go into a home and be a burdon to anyone. I was raised by a grandma who had that strong survival pioneering spirit and there fore survival I know. now WHY? to continue to get worse, become so alone nobody will even know when i pass. Friend in Texas is bout all i have left, my life is all online past 6-10 yrs, thats it.

I have a lot of other stuff wrong and i refuse to become a vegitable or kept alive. i’m 67 and have been on my own since 14yrs old. so i have lived life to the fullest n then some.
I have become worthless in the last few years esp. lots down times more than before. They fig i’m bout 35-38 yrs into it and I’ve read the liver usually gives out in 30-32? anyways along with loosing all my hair, teeth, weight all while dealing with terriffic migraines and psorisas I feel this would be a good options for me. The world can have its space back, and i wont have to rely on the system caring for me. which i refuse.

I’ve had this feelin for years now and have documented it many times in past 7-10 at least and tried dif things, none to even work. I refused treatments as I’, alone and feel that needs to be for someone who has a life, family n or loved ones. I’m only takin up space and making a lot miserable by my attitude.
I just want it to be over, Been in my home for 30 yrs this year and that also i’ve lost 3 times and fought to get back everytime and did. now i’m worn out, life has been to heard struggle upon struggle and i’m broken into so many pieces i’ve become worthless. I am/was an artisian and a martha stewart far as talents, but when lifes so hard i can’t even be creative, time to hang it up. There is no fight left.

This is no spur of the moment thing, this decession has been comin a lot of years and i’m very logical lookin ahead.
my life has ben online and many know n see what i’m saying. Many say they’ve never met anyone with so many problems, so i’ve worn out my welcome and I feel like an alien who isn’t spose to be here. found it takes a hell of a lot more courage to live as i have than to give in and OD. I feel i have the right to Die with Dignity! I tried linin it up few yrs ago as i said but this just isn’t working.

I’m good food wise and pet wise for week or 2 but i sure dont wanna just starve n become a statistic. I’m also so tired of everyone takin advange of me n my present condition.
now far as drs, have a problem there also, they dont like me because i refuse treatments, n meds, yrs back i was on 12=15 meds and was almost a zombie, well i had a chance to go on a vacation of a lifetime in ’06 and they had messed up my scripts so i got mad, weened off almost all and from that time foward i refuse to take any more than a migraine pill and a pain pill tho i have a lot wrong but want my head clear as i have to function for me esp now. my teeth infected, no coverage and dr wouldn’t even give me antibiotics, because i wont talk all his other crap he pushes.

old country gal here and have survived life, no bucket list, I’ve lived life to the fullest and i’m sooooo ready to complete this trip asap.

I have posting online along with pics and different life stuff, this isn’t workin anymore.

HELP me please. this is well thought out and i see no other way. There is no life, just a matter of time now.
would appreciate someone gettin back to me, I hate talkin on phone, I communicate thru emails mostly.

thnx, ask any questions, i can seen info?
Hope the end of this all happens soon for everyones sake….


About dagutzyone

unigue... Gutzy, Eccentric, Eclectic, Artisan, Desert rat, lover of nature and photography I'm a twitter tweeter.. and a flickr lover stop by say hi
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