Come QUICKLY LORD or BEAM me UP Scotty!

somedays i just need to talk, well pour out all this crap so i can feel better, only way this story will ever get told, wish i could record secession all way from my unwanted birth, being left for grandma, who’d raised her kids and had her own problems pioneer farm life…, so leaving home at such young age of 14 i’ve been to hell n back so many times I wore a path, with a “WELCOME” sign…
all thru life i never fit in, Never knew what it was to have a dad or a mom, or any one to watch out for me but ME…
has been quite the journey. always felt it needed to be told BUT i’m no writer, hell i don’t even spell well, i’m such old soul n old generation, new tech boggles me tho i have done pretty well more than any of my friends ive known..
would have to be able to TALK n record sessions from then till now so i could die in peace, as no ones been in my life long enough to ever know really know me inside,
Never had a real family, never found my siblings thru all the years, no kids, … and i’m no writer, heck i can’t even spell, but need someone to pull stuff out .
frustrating to have this grief as well as all the amazing unreal pleasures i HAVE experienced and to be able to go out in a BLAZE OF GLORY!
but so far its so depressing to the point i have no support circle, my lips hardly ever move less i talk to dogs, problem is been here in this home 30 years spring and lost it 3 times, still here, i’m a fighter, or was… now its falling down lack of neglect, just like my life, and things wearing out, roof leaks, all kinds problems but I only need it to hang in for a yr or so hopefully quicker
no trans, have to rely on someone to take me to shop for food and needs only, and its getting damn old. I rarely ever get to enjoy anything out there as can’t afford to pay time for such, and can’t impose on a new friend all time, shaken head.
nobody can’t handle the truth and even deal with a part of the crap, drives them away, and deal with the hep c end stages sure messes things up, lots down time, but i know at 81# bag of bones, it wont be much longer, all the rest… i mean everything that cripples a person i have, along with few teeth, bad eyes, etc
no life, no services, no way to function without the help of others, so tell me PLEASE, i’m a burdon, can’t be that way, I refuse… besides there no one to care, glad bout that here at end cause then they dont have to suffer.   it should be my RIGHT to die with dignity if i so choose
screw this system, I hate the doctors, the meds, the scams, every aspect in this world now revolves around GREED, all for the love of money
nope hurts my heart. The worlds in bad times and everyones paying..
I just want out ASAP
Come QUICKLY LORD or BEAM me UP Scotty!

About dagutzyone

unigue... Gutzy, Eccentric, Eclectic, Artisan, Desert rat, lover of nature and photography I'm a twitter tweeter.. and a flickr lover stop by say hi
This entry was posted in journal, life, memories, survival, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

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