or ’92 quake…

and the quake here in ’92. slept outside for 3 months, and stayed with a friend 3 months till could handle staying in my home, thought the world was ending… pegged an 8 in denver that am, and kept getting lowered, lots damage….

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another, a victim of a violent crime …

another one is time was stalked for months and then followed home and no sooner got in door and guy broke in and held me captive for 12 hrs beating me almost to death, kicking me with pointed cowboy boots, only thing saved me from being raped was a barfing migraine, but had pick’d up a piece firewood and was gonna beat me head in… another long story but lost 6 months of my life over it.

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things like getting physically, kick’d outta home church…

stories need to be unloaded, like being kick’d out physically carried out of my home church, where I was also married in as well as a co-signer on loan to help get started, Hubby was usher…
long story outta standing room only crowd, when a visiting preacher came to preach, being converted from the New Age movement… well end of service, was called up for prayer, standing in front of short guy with his hands on my head praying and saying release it sister, the Lord says you have things to say, … well my eyes closed, my hands in air, praying as usual and all hell broke loose.. all sunned outta my mouth words came saying The Lord says YOU need to be delivered out of drugs and witchcraft, and other things, he’s shouting SHUT UP!, GET HER OUTTA HER.. ushers carry me out down isle thru crowd and dump me on sidewalk out front… and small man came out and said “Boy the devil was working today” ask if he could help me get home or anything… not this is a Spirit filled (holy roller church where we pRAYED and cast out demons and such.. so why dump me on sidewalk??? Why not take me down n pray it out??? within 6 months the church split..
long time people would avoid me in town or markets..

Now I ask you, if that wasn’t the Lords doings.. fell me dif, but it sure messed up my life.. WHY ME
oh my lives full of these crazy occurrences since childhood.. wish i could share, as the’ve made me crazy

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The heats been turn up to HIGH!

I’m well aware the mind is the devils battlefield…
that’s why i multi-task so much and stay busy with so many things, and pics, crafts, etsy, pinterest, flickr, twitter, along with play pogo and sell local on a yard sale site, but lots time i’m ill in bed and don’t function well, then more things happen, like loss of another dear friend, and another driving drunk in a bad accident, killing the cyclist, then someone tells me towels won’t fit in a rack i sold, and another says brass holder smells like smoke, told her to air it out?, then my new friend has abandoned me as got offended last week when we didn’t have enough time to do market for food, and i wasn’t well, she had to be someplace and i think got offended cause i didn’t wanna impose n rush or tie her up, now more crap.. beats me SOMETHINGS going down…
makes it very hard to function, i’m to point giving away sellable items just to get strangers bring me supplies, should NOT BE!…
shaken head..

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when there’s no hope left….

I firmly support the Right to Die with Dignity Act.

esp when there is no way life will be improved due to health and other things. so WHY make us all suffer so gravely, and be hardships on others?Just not fair.

as for i have no one who even cares how I go but I do and I sure don’t wanna suffer, had enough that all my life, and after these last 5+ years alone, and so much bed time and isolation, I’m ready.

 

Hospice won’t help as I’m not fully bedridden yet, or last 6 months diagnosed. SUCKS that i’m all on my own thats even a lotta stress there as I have been a people person all my life.

Have MERCY on us all.

 

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it’s not just me….

…..well its not just me, when Ca went broke a few years back they cut us off a lot programs that old n disabled was on, a couple being the postponement of property taxes, till sale of home, so I don’t make enough to pay them n state takes home in 5 yrs, i have 2 left, then lost all dental which i’m in bad need of along with vision, as need glasses so bad hard to read w/o. so its just as bad for a lot of us not me alone. svn if taxes was paid, i’m still ill and know the hep is takin it’s toll on me along with the stress don’t help.
Would hep to have a vehicle, mine wore out it was an 88 nissian pathfinder and engine went so I sold for junk. col yrs ago. had a new friend who took me shopping but i hate to impose on her and I think she got offended as she was trying to help. so we see. I’m fine usually, I occupy with nature and coin my pics when I can, sell treasures on etsy to find good home so won’t be dumped, and bad times as bottom fell out of market as we all know. so I really don’t know.

need an intervention from the ALMIGHTY is all i see less i pass sooner. all my dearest friend have passed, so makes it hard. this is a very small town in desert and not a lot of resources. Loved it all the 34 years I’ve lived here to get away from city life and crowds, now its become a problem not having a vehicle when I can get out n get food for myself… all i know.
won’t happen on 877 a month, and sales sucks on etsy. so pray for MERCY is all i know.
less a millionaire steps in and made it alright, but house on verge of being condemned.
Kind of you to at least let me get some out.
BLESS any who will. guess i need people now more than i ever figured. but i’m still here just not full speed and some days better than others.

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Come QUICKLY LORD or BEAM me UP Scotty!

somedays i just need to talk, well pour out all this crap so i can feel better, only way this story will ever get told, wish i could record secession all way from my unwanted birth, being left for grandma, who’d raised her kids and had her own problems pioneer farm life…, so leaving home at such young age of 14 i’ve been to hell n back so many times I wore a path, with a “WELCOME” sign…
all thru life i never fit in, Never knew what it was to have a dad or a mom, or any one to watch out for me but ME…
has been quite the journey. always felt it needed to be told BUT i’m no writer, hell i don’t even spell well, i’m such old soul n old generation, new tech boggles me tho i have done pretty well more than any of my friends ive known..
would have to be able to TALK n record sessions from then till now so i could die in peace, as no ones been in my life long enough to ever know really know me inside,
Never had a real family, never found my siblings thru all the years, no kids, … and i’m no writer, heck i can’t even spell, but need someone to pull stuff out .
frustrating to have this grief as well as all the amazing unreal pleasures i HAVE experienced and to be able to go out in a BLAZE OF GLORY!
but so far its so depressing to the point i have no support circle, my lips hardly ever move less i talk to dogs, problem is been here in this home 30 years spring and lost it 3 times, still here, i’m a fighter, or was… now its falling down lack of neglect, just like my life, and things wearing out, roof leaks, all kinds problems but I only need it to hang in for a yr or so hopefully quicker
no trans, have to rely on someone to take me to shop for food and needs only, and its getting damn old. I rarely ever get to enjoy anything out there as can’t afford to pay time for such, and can’t impose on a new friend all time, shaken head.
nobody can’t handle the truth and even deal with a part of the crap, drives them away, and deal with the hep c end stages sure messes things up, lots down time, but i know at 81# bag of bones, it wont be much longer, all the rest… i mean everything that cripples a person i have, along with few teeth, bad eyes, etc
no life, no services, no way to function without the help of others, so tell me PLEASE, i’m a burdon, can’t be that way, I refuse… besides there no one to care, glad bout that here at end cause then they dont have to suffer.   it should be my RIGHT to die with dignity if i so choose
screw this system, I hate the doctors, the meds, the scams, every aspect in this world now revolves around GREED, all for the love of money
nope hurts my heart. The worlds in bad times and everyones paying..
I just want out ASAP
Come QUICKLY LORD or BEAM me UP Scotty!
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